[A song for reflection on this Repentance Thursday, sung by me.]
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Hello, friends.
About a month and a half ago, when we were in the thick of chronicling the finer points of the JTN manifesto, we explored the need to examine the violence in our own hearts and lives in this journey toward nonviolence.
I truly believe this is essential.
- Reckoning with our own frailties and failings keeps us in touch with our humanity.
- It keeps us on equal footing with our common man, no better or worse than our brothers or sisters in this world.
- It increases our capacity for compassion.
Ultimately, it reminds us that we cannot hope to be part of the solution if we aren’t willing to acknowledge our contribution to the problem.
Change begins with us.
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At the time we originally explored this, I mentioned a recurring feature coming soon to this blog called Repentance Thursdays.
Now, here it is.
What is it?
- A safe place to acknowledge our own violences of heart and deed over the previous month.
- A place purification begins each month anew.
- An opportunity to receive forgiveness from God, others, or ourselves.
- A chance to do it together.
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How does it work?
The first Thursday of every month will be deemed a Repentance Thursday.
On that day, we will be invited to reflect on our actions and the interior movements of our hearts over the previous month.
- Into what dark mires did our hearts traverse?
- In what ways did we bring harm to our fellow man, either in thought, word, or deed?
- How did we sin against God?
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After reflecting on these things, we will be given an opportunity for confession.
The comments section is available for this purpose.
The public nature of this practice is rooted in the idea that confession — to both God and man — heals us:
“A man who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person. As long as I am by myself in the confession of my sins everything remains in the dark, but in the presence of a brother the sin has to be brought into the light.”
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer
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Please note that this ongoing ritual is not meant — in any way — to dispense humiliation. It is not a place for judgment, either. It’s not a place to take delight in learning each other’s dirty laundry.
It is a place for us to practice our own repentance.
It is a place to encounter the healing gifts of confession and forgiveness, as well as to discover the solidarity of our shared humanity.
To that end, any comments judging or disparaging another’s confession will not be tolerated and will be removed.
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And so now, I would invite you to reflect on the state of your heart. Feel free to listen to the song posted above in your moments of reflection.
And then, in the comments section, I would invite you to bring your confession.
Please note:
- You are welcome to leave your confession anonymously.
- You are welcome to make up an e-mail address (since the comment section requires you to leave one).
- You are welcome to be as general or specific as you want.
- You are welcome to write your confession as prayer.
- And remember: any judging or disparaging comments of another’s confession will be removed.
It is my hope that you’ll find safety in this place to offer and regain your own humanity. Thank you for joining us.
Father God,
I thank you for your forgiveness. You know how much I have needed your mercies this past month. It’s been a hard one for me.
My heart has gotten stuck so often this past month. I’ve become so self-absorbed. I’ve lived in fear so much of the time, which makes me self-protective and less concerned for others. I’ve been preoccupied with the approval of man.
This last month, I have not felt much like myself. And when that happens, I don’t love well. I shift into myself and cannot see anyone else. I become caustic, abrasive, harsh, shallow, hollow.
I miss being the person you made me to be. And I know the best way for me to find that person again is by relinquishing my need to save myself.
Take my hand, Father, and lift me up. Please give me your strength and the joy of your salvation. I love you.
Amen.
this past month i have been twisted up in my ongoing competition with my sisters. i see in them creativity, confidence, etc. and in me jealousy. i have been working to get beyond this. i know in my mind you are there, God. please let me slow down so that i can feel you in my heart. because when i feel you, i am better.
Father,
My myopic heart hurts, forgive me my transgressions. I have been single minded and focused on winning the game at the cost of others. Of all sinners chief am I…forgive me.
Father forgive me for being complacent with the thoughts, systems and ideas of this world. The ideas that tread upon the rights of the downtrodden, the poverty stricken, the forgotten ones in my community. Lord bring them to my attention, give me grace to enter into their space in love. Forgive me for not keeping them in the foremost of my mind…in love.
Father forgive my selfish use of finances. I give them up to you. Father forgive me for not being the spiritual leader of my family and for modeling anger, not love.
Father, forgive me for believing that one national day of prayer can change the world. We have 364 days left…and we do not dare pray so ferverently. Lord, give me a bold voice for the voiceless, a voice to stare down the empire and to raise your people in a new and glorious light. I want to be notorious lord, notorious for following you and not counting the cost.
~Selah~
In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
I have been uncharitable in my heart toward those who offend me. I have found myself wishing that particular offenders will not inherit your kingdom for how they have treated me, and how I know they have treated others. When I look at the God-Man who gave Himself as a sacrifice on a Roman cross for those who would spit on Him and mock Him, I cannot justify this attitude. I should desire his conversion and change of heart, his better acquaintance with You. I have desired this only begrudgingly, only because I knew I should.
I have been ungenerous — stingy with my wallet, and with my help. I have desired my own comfort and security and rest, doing little if anything to offer myself so that others might enjoy these things as well. This flies in the face of Your own generous heart.
Convert me. Change my heart. Burn out these habitudes of selfishness.
Amen.
Lord, most of the time I’m so full of sin and self-interest that I’m not even aware of it. I need you to reveal my own heart to me. Show me where I have hurt you and strayed away from the path you’re leading me on. I’m so blind and so married to my own desires that sometimes I dress up my sin in things like “preference” or “necessity” or “that’s-just-the-way-I-am”. Help me to see sin for what it really is.
Lord, as I reflect on the last month, I clearly see places where I have ignored your word to me. I have allowed myself to slip back into things that you have asked me to leave behind and I’ve failed to act when I knew that was your desire. I’ve been selfish and stubborn and lazy. I’ve tried to get life from sources other than you, the only life-giver.
I need you. Please forgive me. Help me to rely on you, and you alone.
And I have been listening to your singing over and over, Christianne! LOVE it!
It is late here and I will be back again. I like this idea – You are so wise!
oh my yes! beautiful voice and beautiful words. thank you christianne.
hmmmm… where to start?
well first off, this is a great idea christianne. and thank you for sharing the beautiful song. it blessed me.
so here we go…
people. i think sometimes i get annoyed by people. especially if i feel like they need something from me. i just want to ignore them & hope that they leave me alone.
i’m sorry for this. that’s not who i want to be & i know it’s not who god created me to be.
It’s not Thursday anymore, so I hope this still counts ;)
God, I confess to not knowing my limits. When I think I can do more than I really can, I’m selfish and tired and not living into the person you made me to be.
I confess that my heart has felt anger, bitterness, and even hatred toward those I claim to love. I confess that even as I write this I want so badly for those feelings to be justified by the way I have been treated. I confess that I am stubborn and want things to be my way. I want people to treat me perfectly. I confess to using others to fill the place in my heart that belongs to You, and then putting unrealistic expectations on those individuals to meet my needs.
Please help me to see how You meet my deepest needs. Please help me to forgive. Please help me to have compassion on those I am afraid of.